Daddies for Home Births
When I found out I was pregnant with my second baby, there was absolutely no question about it - I was having a home birth.
I didn't waste time about it at all. After I figured out that I was pregnant, I said to Jaime,
"You know we're having a home birth, right?"...
Jaime: ... (blank stare)
And at that moment, he accepted his fate.
He knew about my previous experience - birthing at the hospital, and my work as a doula - that I knew and felt strong enough to make that type of decision.
We spent months preparing. Mentally, spiritually, and for me, physically. I shared information with him and watched some videos with him to help talk him through it and my preparations.
When you ask him what his thoughts are on the experience...
His smile says it all about the experience.
Jaime told me that he really didn't know what to do, but pray. Pray and surrender to God because as a man, he respected that it wasn't his decision to choose where I birthed. He loved me and cared for me through the journey, knowing that we both had our own concerns and need for surrendering to the experience.
Labor Story Time…
So when I finally went into active labor, I had already been in pre-labor for the whole day prior. About 18 hours in and a little nap, I woke up to strong contractions. I wasn’t able to lay down long or sleep through it any more. After about an hour of me getting up and moving around the room, Jaime came to terms with the time and woke himself up to support me. Asking what he could do and holding space for me.
I alerted my doula of my status and asked her to join us. We moved through doing last minute things to keep busy while I was going through the labor contractions - washing clothes, small organizing, making me tea. Anything to keep me feeling calm about what was happening.
When the surges of contractions grew stronger and longer, I asked Jaime to prepare the bath tub with warm water for me to ease myself through the contractions. I got in the water and immediately felt the urge to push. Next contraction, I pushed and my water bag burst into the tub. I emptied the water some (due to the color of the water) and added fresh water. While the water was still running, I had another urge to push and felt my baby’s head crowning.
I pushed through the discomfort, knowing my relief was on the other side. One push brought baby’s head out. Next push brought baby’s body out and into her daddy’s hands.
He received her and asked me if I thought he could take her out of the water. With my approval, he lifted her up and she received her first breath of air.
Both relieved that baby has arrived and all is flowing well. We did it. We had a home birth and everything was well.
After some time of reflecting on the moment and being in baby’s energy, Jaime had suggested a name for her. Yirah which is Hebrew and means to be revered and respected. This came after some reflecting on bible verses and the reminder - Yahweh Yireh - God will provide.
Now, we stand as a testimony of many how beautiful of an experience home birthing can be. I share this today to encourage the daddies who may not be on board with home birthing at first. Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown, and the lack of power they naturally feel from not being the one birthing.
To the men charged with being father’s of home birthed babies: support your woman if she makes the decision for her body to birth at home. Trust her to know her body best and what would be best to bring your baby in the world, Honor this decision, and know that you are being blessed with the grandest opportunity of life to be the one to receive your baby - your creation - into this world.
Tips for Daddies to Prepare for a Home Birth:
Get educated. Attend a childbirth education class together to learn more about what to expect and ways you can support the preparation process. Being informed makes stepping into a home birth with confidence, much greater.
Connect with other home birth daddies. Community is everything. Finding other men who have experienced the path can be so powerful to help you through it. Jaime is open for Daddy Doula support.
Gather strong support for the family. Hire a midwife if this is aligned for your path to have that extra level of emergency care available. Hire a doula for additional, 1-on-1 support that caters to your family’s needs. Determine the community who will be available to help with other children, care to the home, and postpartum meals.
Make a plan. Anything we do with a plan, we move forward with much more confidence. Preparing for a home birth is no different. Planning and being aware helped us to navigate the birth with ease.
I am rooting for you! You CAN do this! You have done this time and time before.
With love and Gratitude, <3 Jemila